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Remember FertileMyrtle? Well she and her husband just came by my house. Why you ask? Let me tell you. They brought over a ton of baby stuff for me and GatorMan for Ukulele to use until the revocation period passes.WAIT! I know what you are thinking.... how do they know about Ukulele? Answer: they guessed. Our intermediary hangs out with our group of friends, and Intermediary has asked Dr. FertileMyrtle a number of questions.... and my crazy ass behavior.... well, they put it together. She came in my office the other day and talked to me about it. Now she and another friend in-the-know are planning a shower for us after the revocation period passes.Anyway, they came by today. The brought their car seat, moses basket, play things, bibs, bottles (new ones for us to keep), books, booties.... all sorts of stuff. She understood that GatorMan and I did not want to have to buy things in case someting goes south. So they offered up their things. And now those things are in my house. Her baby is due in the middle of February, so that will give us plenty of time to buy what we need after the revocation period passes and before her baby arrives.While they were here, and she is handing thing after thing to me, I start crying. For a myriad of reasons. One, it's very overwhelming, this whole baby thing. Two, I'm afraid to have this stuff in the house in case something doesn't work out. Three, because I have been such bitch where her pregnancy is concerned and now she is being nothing but kind to me. Four, I'm an emotional mess right now for no good reason. AF just checked out about two days ago, so I cannot blame it on her. I think it just boils down to me being stressed out about all of this.And don't get me started on the Realtor.... that's a whole 'nother post for a whole 'nother day.Signed, The Bipolar Crazy Womanp.s. Happy Birthday, Mom!
Dr. Needle gave me herbs (her-biss) today. After consulting with Dr. Go.ogle, here is a description of my new snacks:It can replenish blood to nourish heart, and tonify qi to invigorate the spleen. Be applicable for (1) amnesia, insomnia, palpitation, severe palpitation, night sweating due to asthenic heat, tiredness, poor appetite, sallow complexion, pale tongue, and thin and slow pulse due to deficiency of qi and blood, and impairment of the heart and spleen by overstrain caused by excessive contemplation, and simultaneous insufficiency of the heart and spleen; and (2) bloody stool, women metrorrhagia, preceded menorrhea, profuse menstruation with pale menorrhea, or leukorrhagia, or dripping menstruation caused by splenic failure to control blood.
When finished, I shall have be able to remember (without too much contemplation) that my tonified spleen has been invigorated and can therefore control any dripping blood. I should be able to discuss it without the embarassment of a pale tongue and sallow complexion. Additionally, I should be able to sleep through the night without sweating all over GatorMan. Finally, it should help with depression (PLUS!) and appetite (negative....).Joking aside, I am looking forward to taking these herbs. I start tonight, so we'll see how it goes!
I've been marking through some of my "List of Thirty-Eight" items. I tried mushrooms a couple of weeks back, so that one is gone (still not a fan). I've read four books so far... well, almost five. I'm not going to count "Mid.night Su.n" as a complete book since it is just a draft - although at 264 page draft. I also did an order on one of my five oldest pending cases. For all of those successes for far, I have some failures:I have not drank (drunk? I always confuse the proper usage on this word...) 48 ounces of water each day. Not even close. I'm making a valiant effort to drink some water each day - - but I've only hit the 48 oz mark a few times since November 17. Also, I have not walked Matthew every day. Twice a week he goes to doggy-day-care, so I do not count those days since he is so exhausted when he returns. And the whole making-the-bed thing... does it count if I pull the blankets up to the pillows every morning? I was doing so good with it for the first week, then I got lazy. Ah, well, worse things could happen I suppose. Looks like those three items are going on my List of Thirty-Nine!Ok, off to bed. I'm tired. G'Nite all.
(1) I hate blog.ger... or vis.ta.... I don't know which one did it. This is the second time I am writing this because I highlighted too much and my entire post disappeared. And I could not figure out how to retrieve it. (2) GatorMan's team - Jacksonville Jaguars - is on right now for Monday Night Football. Yay! Love the NFL! (However, we are a house divided.... I'm a Cowboys fan.)(3) I bought a sewing machine this past weekend. Not a high-end type of sewing machine, but the type of machine that says "I can sew a curtain." I got it so (sew!) I can make Ukulele's nursery bedding. I have not been able to find what I want, so I got two different patterns (each had something I wanted) and I am going to make it. Well, at least attempt to make it. I have not used a pattern since 8th grade home ec. Do they even teach home ec anymore? Anyway, here is the material I am using:
In case the colors are not coming across correctly, I am using chocolate brown, Tiffany blue, and a pattern that has both colors included. Still no nursery, but no reason not to be prepared on this side.(4) AF showed up this afternoon. This is day 26. Last month was day 25. Does this mean Dr. Needle is effective? Not necessarily. My cycles for the last two years have fluctuated anywhere between 24 days to 27 days. I'd like to see a couple of consecutive 28 day cycles before I become a huge believer. Although, I think he may be putting me on herbs this week. (Or, as GatorMan calls them: her-biss.)(5) We bought a Pack.n.Play! We got the Gra.co Mel.bourne (shout out to my Australia readers!). Yes, I know it's blue and brown and probably intended for the male persuasion babies - but WHO CARES??!! It matched our color scheme and Con.sumer Rep.orts likes it. It is still sitting in our bedroom, in the box. I have not unpacked it yet because there is no room for it right now. (Due to my unfinished, rather "unstarted," laundry piles. I'll get on it. Tomorrow.)(6) While I was buying the Pack.n.Play, I also picked up this adorable onesie. Who doesn't love a penguin?
The penguin currently lives in a bag in my closet. It's bad enough that Ukulele's play yard is staring me in the face every morning.Okay, there's my update. I hope everyone had a relaxing weekend. We are on the downslope of 2008 (yay!). If you read GatorMan's post, you'll understand why we will not miss this particular year. Here's to hoping the remainder is joyous, prosperous, but mostly tolerable.
I have read 2,444 pages since approximately 11:00 p.m. (EST) on Novemer 25. My eyes are tired -- my mind is wired. Damn you, Ed.ward Cul.len! I have completed the "Twi.light" series and am sad.My re-entrance into the general population can now commence.*UPDATE*: I just found 264 more pages of her 5th book (from Edward's point-of-view *pitter-pat pitter-pat*) on her website.... YAY! So it looks like I'm not done (yet) after all!* SECOND UPDATE*: Elle requested a series review, so I have put one in the comment section if you are interested in reading it.
“My child, in life ahead of you, keep your capacity for faith and belief, but let your judgment watch what you believe. Keep your love of life, but throw away your fear of death. Life must be loved or it is lost... Keep your wonder at great and noble things, like sunlight and thunder, the rain and the stars, and the greatness of heroes. Keep your heart hungry for new knowledge. Keep your hatred of a lie, and keep your power of indignation... I am ashamed to leave you in an uncomfortable world, but someday it will be better. And when that day comes, you will thank God for the greatest blessing a man can receive: living in peace.”
- letter from a Yugoslav soldier in World War II to his unborn child
There are thoughts that strike your brain in life. Original, bolt from the blue type stuff that haunts your mind and hangs about your shoulders forever like either a mantle of greatness, or Coleridge's albatross. I remember one inky, humid central Florida night of too much wine and conversation alternating between work, theology and late nineties Gen X angst I said to a close friend “I hope that life brings me wisdom without bringing too much pain with it.”
One thing is for sure, the soldier quoted above, soon to die without meeting his child, never had to pray for wisdom. Like many of the 'greatest generation,' his mettle had been tempered and hardened in the forge of two world wars and a worldwide depression.
This has been a horrendous year for both of us. Both for reasons covered in this blog, and others unmentioned. A really, really stinky year. I'm looking forward to a much better 2009. Hell, I'm just looking forward to 2008 being over. I just hope it did its job... getting me a little closer to good Dad potential.
Part two of the worry that GreenEggsNHam often sees as I stare off into space is the world we'll raise a child in. Things are pretty bad. Without giving too much info, let's just say I am on the front lines of the financial part of the mess we find ourselves in. As bad as the media makes it sound, believe me, it has downside potential.
There you have it. Id, dukkha, theodicy, whatever name your frame of reference bestows upon it, I have exposed the glittering black insect of fear on the underbelly of my soul; will I be as good of a Dad as needed for the times we are in.
Sigh.
How dramatic.
Anyhow, here's what I know... Ukulele will have two parents who completely and totally dig each other. She'll be frequently embarrassed by random songs made up on the spot in honor of our house pets. She will have to endure us holding hands and many other forms of PDA. She'll have to tolerate the nightly flying of the housecat, and made up words, and LOTS of football. ...and she'll be the luckiest little girl on earth.
That's just my two cents... ignore it all, it could be the Benadryl talking.
