Reflections on a Past Life

This weekend one of GatorMan's friends came to visit us (and go on a date with one of GatorMan's business friends). Friend is a really really great guy who drove here three hours - only to get stood up. As I was talking to Friend, explaining to him that he did not need to call No-Show, I told him not to settle for someone just to have someone. This got me thinking about my last serious relationship prior to GatorMan.

I was dating a guy who wanted me to move in. I explained that I was not going to move in unless I was assured that the relationship was going to end up in marriage and children. He assured me it would. Over a year of living together later - no ring (which was a personal requirement for me prior to having a child). When I confronted him about our situation, he indicated he was not interested in having children. The next day I began househunting for a place of my own. Although I loved this guy - I was not willing to settle for something less than what I wanted and deserved.

I look back at that time (I was much younger) and wonder "What if?" What if we had tried to have a child - would my body have cooperated? What if we DID have a child - would I still be with that guy? What if I would have settled, and waited (and waited). What if . . . . What if . . . . What if . . . . ?

All of those "What ifs" add up to this: Nothing. IF any of those things would have happened, I would not have GatorMan. And if I did not have GatorMan, I probably would not have Ukulele. Life is great, despite its (sometimes) numerous setbacks. I really do believe in unanswered prayers. I have the two BEST unanswered prayers ever: GatorMan and Ukulele. IF my prayers had been answered way-back-when, I would not have met GatorMan. If I had not met GatorMan, I would not have traveled down the adoption road as soon as I did (adoption was always in the cards for me - biological child or not), and Ukulele would have had a different mom and dad.

Whatever happened to Prior Guy? He got married. And is still childless. But as I was driving Ukulele to school today, I thought of him. And I thought of what I was like when I was with him. I was only half the person I am today ~ and he really missed out. Being a mother has made me a happier person, a BETTER person. So to you, Prior Guy: Thank You. Thank you for allowing me to find my true self. I couldn't have done it with you.

Still Here

Yep, still here. Still loving life. Still loving Ukulele more than life itself. Not sure why I haven't blogged in like, well, forever. Wait, yes, I do know. I'm busy as hell. Full time job (thankfully!). Part-time teaching (two nights per week). Performing on a floating murder mystery cruise. Cleaning. Sewing. Sleeping (rarely). Book-reviewing. I'm wondering what else I can squeeze into the two free minutes I have every day. They musn't go to waste, you know.

Ukulele update: At her 15 month (!) check-up, she came in at the size of a two-year-old. Ninety-fifth percentile for height, ninetieth for weight. She's walking... almost running. Spinning in circles. Talking... although I'm not really sure what she is saying most of the time! She reads books out loud (in her own language) with the same cadence that we read to her in. She sings (again, in her own language). She laughs - constantly! Dancing? Check! Yes - I'm biased - but she really is the happiest baby I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, she has her growing pains like all toddlers. A wee-bit cranky when teething. Fussy eating sometimes. And her new thing? Slapping. Yeah, that cool personality trait showed up last night. It'll come to a screeching halt, that's for sure!

And I guess we can put it out there for the whole world..... we're on the adoption list again. Let the waiting begin.