Creation of the "Ukulele"

I hope you have not found this blog because you are a music enthusiast.... "Ukulele" is the code-word for our not-yet-adopted daughter. My husband and I travelled to Hawaii with my sister's family, and we had hoped to come back with a little "Ukulele" of our own (at least that was my brother-in-law's term for a baby). That was two years ago. After lots of trying, many tests, and the rollercoaster ride of fertility treatments, our doctor said "no more." We always wanted to adopt, we just never anticipated that it would be our only option. So, this will be my story of "Waiting for the Ukulele."

I am creating this blog to help me through the waiting period of adoption. I'm not sure I can put my eyes on another page of mainstream media adoption rhetoric without going crazy. I feel like I have read way too many articles about successful adoptions, failed adoptions, birthmother stories, whatever. Right now I need to sort through MY thoughts and fears.

Here's the thing: we are waiting on our Ukulele. We have not gone through an adoption agency (although that was the original plan). A friend of ours knows a birthmother who wants to give her baby up for adoption. This friend contacted us, and of course we said yes. We're calling the birthmother "Juno" for obvious reasons. Juno is due at the end of January, and she is having a girl. I cannot imagine what is going through Juno's mind as she experiences pregnancy and tries to maneuver her way through high school. Yes, Juno is a teenager. My husband (whom I will call GatorMan) and I have a number of reasons to be afraid that Juno will change her mind, yet we cannot help be feel euphoric at the thought of having our Ukulele.

The adoption with Juno will be closed/private. We do not know her real name, she does not know ours. That's the way she wants it, that's the way we want it. Although I have read so many great stories about open adoption.... a part of me is sort of sad that this one will not be handled in that manner.

Anyway, Juno is 23 weeks along. I've found a plethora of pregnancy-tracking sites for birthmothers, but alas, none that I have found for adoptive mothers. So I visit one of the birthmother sites and watch Ukulele's progress.

Not sure if anyone out there is going to find this, or be interested in what I have to say, but I am certainly hoping it calms my crazy head during our wait for Ukulele.