Monday, April 11, 2011
The Worst Seven Months...
The last seven months have been the worst I have ever experienced in my life. September 4, 2010: My father died. March 4, 2011: My mother died. March 30, 2011: My grandmother died. Within seven months, almost my whole family was wiped out. And here's the eerie thing about it... my mom and dad died exactly six months apart, within minutes of each other. They both died on the 4th day of the month, in their 70th year, at approximately 7:30 a.m.** Yeah, you can only imagine what my 70th year is going to be like for me. And my grandmother that passed? See the post below for her beautiful face. She was my father's mother, and lived to 96. Please please please let me have inherited her genes. Oh, and in the middle of those seven months -- I turned 40. Yay me. I'm hoping to get back to blogging. I've missed it. But as you can see, I've been busy with not-so-fun things. I hope to have happier musings soon. ** This would seem "understandable" if they were still married, however, they had been divorced for approximately 38 years when they died.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saying Goodbye to Grandpa
We've had a busy few weeks this month. I received a call at work on Thursday, September 2, that my father was in the hospital and under hospice care. I drove 20 hours north, and was able to sit with him for a few hours on Friday night. He passed away early the following morning. Ukulele and GatorMan flew up for the visitation and funeral, and then we all drove back home together.
It's very surreal. The last time I saw my father he seemed healthy and had not been diagnosed with cancer yet. That was in January. A short nine months later he was gone. I'm not sure if it doesn't seem real to me because I did not see him get sick, or if it just has not really set in yet.
Ukulele did great during the whole ordeal. She kept looking up at the casket (during the visitation) and then looking at me. I had to tell her that grandpa had gone night-night. She would just lightly whisper "nigh-nigh." So heartbreaking on a number of levels.
So to you, Dad and Grandpa, rest easy, and keep cheering for those Hawkeyes. We're going to miss you.
Ukulele and Grandpa - one of their first meetings
Ukulele with Grandpa's Hawkeye bear he sent for her
Three of the original four generations
It's very surreal. The last time I saw my father he seemed healthy and had not been diagnosed with cancer yet. That was in January. A short nine months later he was gone. I'm not sure if it doesn't seem real to me because I did not see him get sick, or if it just has not really set in yet.
Ukulele did great during the whole ordeal. She kept looking up at the casket (during the visitation) and then looking at me. I had to tell her that grandpa had gone night-night. She would just lightly whisper "nigh-nigh." So heartbreaking on a number of levels.
So to you, Dad and Grandpa, rest easy, and keep cheering for those Hawkeyes. We're going to miss you.
Four generations... Ukulele, me, Dad, and Grandma (Ukulele's great-grandma)
Ukulele and Grandpa - one of their first meetings
Ukulele with Grandpa's Hawkeye bear he sent for her
Three of the original four generations
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sorry for the blackout....
If anyone is still reading, and had a problem getting in to my blog, please accept my apology for the restricted access. I teach at a local college at night, and one of the assignments I gave my students was to internet stalk me. AFTER I had given the assignment I realized that I did not want them to find my blog and my personal life contained therein. Therefore I had to block it for awhile. I am fairly certain that enough time has passed that it should be safe to come out of hiding.
Speaking of coming out of hiding.... here is Ukulele at 18 months.
She has gotten so big, and so fast! She is in 2T clothes already, and is in the 95th percentile for height and weight. I'm guessing her firstdad must have been tall because I'm told firstmom is very petite.
GatorMan and I are jumping into the adoption pool again. We are hoping for a private adoption like we had with Ukulele. We've discussed using an agency, but have decided to try the private-route first.
Other than Ukulele growing like a weed, things have pretty much been the same as always... work, teaching, acting, and loving my role as Mom!
Speaking of coming out of hiding.... here is Ukulele at 18 months.
She has gotten so big, and so fast! She is in 2T clothes already, and is in the 95th percentile for height and weight. I'm guessing her firstdad must have been tall because I'm told firstmom is very petite.
GatorMan and I are jumping into the adoption pool again. We are hoping for a private adoption like we had with Ukulele. We've discussed using an agency, but have decided to try the private-route first.
Other than Ukulele growing like a weed, things have pretty much been the same as always... work, teaching, acting, and loving my role as Mom!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Reflections on a Past Life
This weekend one of GatorMan's friends came to visit us (and go on a date with one of GatorMan's business friends). Friend is a really really great guy who drove here three hours - only to get stood up. As I was talking to Friend, explaining to him that he did not need to call No-Show, I told him not to settle for someone just to have someone. This got me thinking about my last serious relationship prior to GatorMan.
I was dating a guy who wanted me to move in. I explained that I was not going to move in unless I was assured that the relationship was going to end up in marriage and children. He assured me it would. Over a year of living together later - no ring (which was a personal requirement for me prior to having a child). When I confronted him about our situation, he indicated he was not interested in having children. The next day I began househunting for a place of my own. Although I loved this guy - I was not willing to settle for something less than what I wanted and deserved.
I look back at that time (I was much younger) and wonder "What if?" What if we had tried to have a child - would my body have cooperated? What if we DID have a child - would I still be with that guy? What if I would have settled, and waited (and waited). What if . . . . What if . . . . What if . . . . ?
All of those "What ifs" add up to this: Nothing. IF any of those things would have happened, I would not have GatorMan. And if I did not have GatorMan, I probably would not have Ukulele. Life is great, despite its (sometimes) numerous setbacks. I really do believe in unanswered prayers. I have the two BEST unanswered prayers ever: GatorMan and Ukulele. IF my prayers had been answered way-back-when, I would not have met GatorMan. If I had not met GatorMan, I would not have traveled down the adoption road as soon as I did (adoption was always in the cards for me - biological child or not), and Ukulele would have had a different mom and dad.
Whatever happened to Prior Guy? He got married. And is still childless. But as I was driving Ukulele to school today, I thought of him. And I thought of what I was like when I was with him. I was only half the person I am today ~ and he really missed out. Being a mother has made me a happier person, a BETTER person. So to you, Prior Guy: Thank You. Thank you for allowing me to find my true self. I couldn't have done it with you.
I was dating a guy who wanted me to move in. I explained that I was not going to move in unless I was assured that the relationship was going to end up in marriage and children. He assured me it would. Over a year of living together later - no ring (which was a personal requirement for me prior to having a child). When I confronted him about our situation, he indicated he was not interested in having children. The next day I began househunting for a place of my own. Although I loved this guy - I was not willing to settle for something less than what I wanted and deserved.
I look back at that time (I was much younger) and wonder "What if?" What if we had tried to have a child - would my body have cooperated? What if we DID have a child - would I still be with that guy? What if I would have settled, and waited (and waited). What if . . . . What if . . . . What if . . . . ?
All of those "What ifs" add up to this: Nothing. IF any of those things would have happened, I would not have GatorMan. And if I did not have GatorMan, I probably would not have Ukulele. Life is great, despite its (sometimes) numerous setbacks. I really do believe in unanswered prayers. I have the two BEST unanswered prayers ever: GatorMan and Ukulele. IF my prayers had been answered way-back-when, I would not have met GatorMan. If I had not met GatorMan, I would not have traveled down the adoption road as soon as I did (adoption was always in the cards for me - biological child or not), and Ukulele would have had a different mom and dad.
Whatever happened to Prior Guy? He got married. And is still childless. But as I was driving Ukulele to school today, I thought of him. And I thought of what I was like when I was with him. I was only half the person I am today ~ and he really missed out. Being a mother has made me a happier person, a BETTER person. So to you, Prior Guy: Thank You. Thank you for allowing me to find my true self. I couldn't have done it with you.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Still Here
Yep, still here. Still loving life. Still loving Ukulele more than life itself. Not sure why I haven't blogged in like, well, forever. Wait, yes, I do know. I'm busy as hell. Full time job (thankfully!). Part-time teaching (two nights per week). Performing on a floating murder mystery cruise. Cleaning. Sewing. Sleeping (rarely). Book-reviewing. I'm wondering what else I can squeeze into the two free minutes I have every day. They musn't go to waste, you know.
Ukulele update: At her 15 month (!) check-up, she came in at the size of a two-year-old. Ninety-fifth percentile for height, ninetieth for weight. She's walking... almost running. Spinning in circles. Talking... although I'm not really sure what she is saying most of the time! She reads books out loud (in her own language) with the same cadence that we read to her in. She sings (again, in her own language). She laughs - constantly! Dancing? Check! Yes - I'm biased - but she really is the happiest baby I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, she has her growing pains like all toddlers. A wee-bit cranky when teething. Fussy eating sometimes. And her new thing? Slapping. Yeah, that cool personality trait showed up last night. It'll come to a screeching halt, that's for sure!
And I guess we can put it out there for the whole world..... we're on the adoption list again. Let the waiting begin.
Ukulele update: At her 15 month (!) check-up, she came in at the size of a two-year-old. Ninety-fifth percentile for height, ninetieth for weight. She's walking... almost running. Spinning in circles. Talking... although I'm not really sure what she is saying most of the time! She reads books out loud (in her own language) with the same cadence that we read to her in. She sings (again, in her own language). She laughs - constantly! Dancing? Check! Yes - I'm biased - but she really is the happiest baby I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, she has her growing pains like all toddlers. A wee-bit cranky when teething. Fussy eating sometimes. And her new thing? Slapping. Yeah, that cool personality trait showed up last night. It'll come to a screeching halt, that's for sure!
And I guess we can put it out there for the whole world..... we're on the adoption list again. Let the waiting begin.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Happy... Joyous.... Exhilaration... Delight...
What do all of these words have in common? They are synonymous with:
I really miss that show. I love it when a TV show makes me smile, laugh, and sometimes even cry.
So tonight I downloaded the G.lee soundtrack. Holy crap! I truly feel sorry for those who have the unfortunate luck to end up in vehicles that surround mine at traffic lights for the next few weeks. Now don't get me wrong - I am quite the vocalist. In my own car. And in my own home. And occasionally at a karaoke bar. I sound pretty damn good if I do say so myself. (Just don't ask anyone else.... trust me.... well, you can ask Ukulele ~ she seems to like my singing!)
Speaking of Ukulele, she's turning in to quite the musical (movie, tv, soundtrack) fan. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with me always playing musicals or soundtracks with her present. She shows an early affinity for Mamm.a M.ia and Gre.ase 2. I have no doubt at all that she is going to LOVE this new soundtrack!
On a less gleeful note, please keep two of our bloggy friends in your thoughts and prayers. Emily and E have both experienced failed adoption placements over the last couple of weeks. My heart breaks for them.
G.LEE ! ! ! !
I really miss that show. I love it when a TV show makes me smile, laugh, and sometimes even cry.
So tonight I downloaded the G.lee soundtrack. Holy crap! I truly feel sorry for those who have the unfortunate luck to end up in vehicles that surround mine at traffic lights for the next few weeks. Now don't get me wrong - I am quite the vocalist. In my own car. And in my own home. And occasionally at a karaoke bar. I sound pretty damn good if I do say so myself. (Just don't ask anyone else.... trust me.... well, you can ask Ukulele ~ she seems to like my singing!)
Speaking of Ukulele, she's turning in to quite the musical (movie, tv, soundtrack) fan. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with me always playing musicals or soundtracks with her present. She shows an early affinity for Mamm.a M.ia and Gre.ase 2. I have no doubt at all that she is going to LOVE this new soundtrack!
On a less gleeful note, please keep two of our bloggy friends in your thoughts and prayers. Emily and E have both experienced failed adoption placements over the last couple of weeks. My heart breaks for them.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Happy Birthday, Ukulele
Happy Birthday to my precious, perfect, beautiful, blessing, Godsent daughter.
One year ago today, we were sitting in the waiting room at the hospital waiting for updates on how Juno was and trying to control our racing hearts. It was on that date that our lives changed forever. Who knew our hearts could love one tiny little person so much that they would feel like they could burst? This little girl makes me smile so much - every single day. At night I still go in to her room and watch her sleep, with tears welling up in my eyes, and marvel at her beauty, her grace, and the realization that she is my daughter.
She has changed and grown so much over the last year. She is becoming the girl she was meant to be - happy, loved, and full of life. She dances all the time. She laughs constantly. She grabs our faces with her perfect little hands and gives us kisses. She's so loving and kind, smart, curious, and she's our daughter.
Thank you, Juno, for making what was probably the hardest decision I hope you'll ever have to make. And thank you, God, for choosing us to be Ukulele's parents.
We are eternally grateful.
One year ago today, we were sitting in the waiting room at the hospital waiting for updates on how Juno was and trying to control our racing hearts. It was on that date that our lives changed forever. Who knew our hearts could love one tiny little person so much that they would feel like they could burst? This little girl makes me smile so much - every single day. At night I still go in to her room and watch her sleep, with tears welling up in my eyes, and marvel at her beauty, her grace, and the realization that she is my daughter.
She has changed and grown so much over the last year. She is becoming the girl she was meant to be - happy, loved, and full of life. She dances all the time. She laughs constantly. She grabs our faces with her perfect little hands and gives us kisses. She's so loving and kind, smart, curious, and she's our daughter.
Thank you, Juno, for making what was probably the hardest decision I hope you'll ever have to make. And thank you, God, for choosing us to be Ukulele's parents.
We are eternally grateful.
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