Reflections on a Past Life

This weekend one of GatorMan's friends came to visit us (and go on a date with one of GatorMan's business friends). Friend is a really really great guy who drove here three hours - only to get stood up. As I was talking to Friend, explaining to him that he did not need to call No-Show, I told him not to settle for someone just to have someone. This got me thinking about my last serious relationship prior to GatorMan.

I was dating a guy who wanted me to move in. I explained that I was not going to move in unless I was assured that the relationship was going to end up in marriage and children. He assured me it would. Over a year of living together later - no ring (which was a personal requirement for me prior to having a child). When I confronted him about our situation, he indicated he was not interested in having children. The next day I began househunting for a place of my own. Although I loved this guy - I was not willing to settle for something less than what I wanted and deserved.

I look back at that time (I was much younger) and wonder "What if?" What if we had tried to have a child - would my body have cooperated? What if we DID have a child - would I still be with that guy? What if I would have settled, and waited (and waited). What if . . . . What if . . . . What if . . . . ?

All of those "What ifs" add up to this: Nothing. IF any of those things would have happened, I would not have GatorMan. And if I did not have GatorMan, I probably would not have Ukulele. Life is great, despite its (sometimes) numerous setbacks. I really do believe in unanswered prayers. I have the two BEST unanswered prayers ever: GatorMan and Ukulele. IF my prayers had been answered way-back-when, I would not have met GatorMan. If I had not met GatorMan, I would not have traveled down the adoption road as soon as I did (adoption was always in the cards for me - biological child or not), and Ukulele would have had a different mom and dad.

Whatever happened to Prior Guy? He got married. And is still childless. But as I was driving Ukulele to school today, I thought of him. And I thought of what I was like when I was with him. I was only half the person I am today ~ and he really missed out. Being a mother has made me a happier person, a BETTER person. So to you, Prior Guy: Thank You. Thank you for allowing me to find my true self. I couldn't have done it with you.