Is that a fork in the road???

An update on Dr. Needle. GatorMan and I have been going to him now for about a month. Every week, on Wednesday, like clockwork. I'm not sure anything different is happening to my body - except the incredibly noticeable pubescent break-outs I've been experiencing. Not sure if Dr. Needle is monkey-ing with my hormones, or if I need to remember to wash my face more at night! But my last cycle was just like the 18 cycles before it.... no noticeable change. Dr. Needle says "wait anudda psycho" and then to reassure me he says: "free uvva woman get pregnant heo last yeo" and as he cups his hands together as if receiving a wafer at communion, he says "and day bwing utrasound pic tour". (For those that cannot understand my hooked-on-phonics version, here is what transpired: "Wait another cycle"; "three other women got pregnant here last year"; "and they bring their ultrasound pictures.") I'm hoping he only saw three fertility patients and three of them got knocked-up -- but not preferably IN his office, but through his acupuncture assistance! (You know what I mean....) Dr. Needle states it may take six months to see some changes with me. Who knows? Personally, I am enjoying laying there for half an hour and relaxing!

As for GatorMan, he says there has been a considerable change for him. Dr. Needle treats him with acupuncture and herbs. Although GatorMan will be mortified when he reads this - he says the amount he produces has increased. I'm just hoping those little swimmers are waking up and on the move!

For those who may be confused and wondering if we have gone from adopting to pursuing fertility treatments again, no need to check the blog heading... yes, we are still adopting. But do those who reach the fork in the road and choose the adoption path ever give up the hopes of conceiving a child as well? Mom of Tinkerbell and Chickadee put it best in her November 12 post. A big shout-out to her for discussing the dichotomy. GatorMan and I are not going to love Ukulele any less because she does not carry our DNA, nor would we love a biological child any more because they do carry our DNA. Perhaps it is human nature to wonder what your offspring would look like? And perhaps it is my human nature to know what it is like to be pregnant? I know we will be parents, I just do not know how it is going to happen. And in pursuit of that desire, GatorMan and I will try whatever we can.... even if it means splitting our car in half and driving down both sides of the fork-in-the-road simultaneously.

I'm Sorry I Was Mean

I need to apologize to someone who will most likely never read this blog. Tonight I was helping finish a set construction for a local theater company, and another girl was there helping me. Tonight was the first night I had ever met her. Early in our "meet" she asked if I had any children. I said no and moved the conversation quickly along.

Later the conversation turned to my age. It turns out she is only about 6 months older than I am. Not sure if she is married or not - I didn't ask. Anyway, I was not wearing my wedding ring (bad idea around power tools and paint), and she must have noticed. She asked if I was single, and I said no, I was married. Then she said "No kids?" I said no. She then asked "Why? You don't want them?" And what did I do? With my best lawyer/actress/bitch eyes, I stared straight down into her ~5'2" eyes (I'm 5'8") and said:

"We can't have children."

And I kept my gaze on her. I felt her get uncomfortable and I didn't care. I was fully aware of my stare upon her and I didn't care. I absolutely wanted her to feel uncomfortable, and at that moment, I didn't care.

Now I care.

She didn't know. She had just met me. It was a perfectly innocent question. And to top it off, she was not American and could barely speak english - I'm sure it was odd to her that I would be my age (almost 38), married, and childless.

I'm such a bitch. To my short-lived-set-constructing-friend:

I'm sorry I was mean.

A Guest Blogger is Bringing You the Following Post Compliments of The Great Blog Cross Pollinaion!

My husband is out of town, and so I am sitting at his desk -- because he took the good laptop with him, and also to keep the cat company. She spends most of the day curled in a ball on his desk.

She is sleeping, as she does most of the time. Usually she is totally silent, but occasionally she makes little murmurs in her sleep. Dreaming, I suppose. Adorable.

Now she is breathing more loudly, and it is also adorable. I could listen to it all day.

I love to watch her little torso move up and down with each breath.

It makes me wonder: Is this what it's like to watch a baby sleeping?

And my mind has turned something happy into something sad. Once again.

Thanks a lot, Mind. Or rather, thanks a lot, Infertility. Also, screw you.



Note from GreenEggsNHam:

So, think you know who the guest blogger is? Go to The Great Blog Cross Pollination page, and scan through the sans list.... these are your possible guest bloggers.

Now, list in the comment section on this page who you think the guest blogger is.

When you are finished, you can click HERE to find out the guest blogger's identity, and also to read my post for today!

HAVE FUN!

My Life is Good

Right now I am listening to GatorMan and his best friend play Mad.den in the other room. Such boys.... and I adore them. GatorMan's job is VERY stressful, so any (legal) outlet he finds to relieve his stress is fine by me. While they do boy things in the other room, I'm laying in the bed catching up on my blog reading, my dog is beside me, my cat is on the floor, I just took a long hot shower, and the ceiling fan is slowly blowing the air in the room. I love it.

GatorMan's best friend and his girlfriend are here this weekend. These are great people. It's nights like these that I realize how good my life really is. Nothing exceptional has happened, no big events, big expensive meals... none of that. And that is exactly why it is so perfect. Just good people, good conversation, and good feelings. It really is the simple things.

Juno Update

Just a quick update on Juno. She went in for her diabetes test and everything is fine! Weight is still good, and we are right on track!

I hate it when I sit here trying to figure out what to write. I wrote the above sentence about 3 minutes ago....

I read somewhere today that when you write a blog, people just want to read what is going on in your mind - it does not have to necessarily have to be witty. I want to be witty. I want people to keep coming back to read my blog. But then I think of the blogs that I like to read. Most are incredibly witty - but even when they are not, I still enjoy reading them and I look forward to catching up with what is going on with everyone.

So here is what is going on with me today: (1) I'm upset that I forgot to set my fantasty football line-up before the game tonight; (2) I laughed really hard with my students in class this evening; (3) I added a lot of pictures to my Facebook account; (4) I ate a really tasty dinner that GatorMan had waiting for me when I got home from class; (5) I successfully avoided going to the gym; (6) I caught up with three different friends that I have not talked to in a few days; (7) I did my cross-pollination post; (8) I commented on a few separate blogs; (9) I sang a song to my cat; (10) so the dog wouldn't feel left out, I sang him a song, too; and (11) I imagined what life would be like with Ukulele.

The Bitch is Back

And when I say "Bitch," I am not only referring to myself, but to the Bitch AF.

(1) I GET TO KEEP MY JOB! MyBoss won the re-election (very easily), so this bee-otch is back for another 4 years!!! (Spoiler alert: this is the one high-point of my post.)

(2) I am in. a. mood. And a really. bad. one. Queen-bitch level. I have this flex spending account that has a hefty balance in it that has to be spent by December 31. My acupuncturist does not take credit cards, so I have to pay by check, and then file a claim. My first claim was filed 2.5 weeks ago. I called to check on it today.... no claim on record there. So... while my personal account quickly dwindles in balance, Flex idiots get to keep the owed-to-me-money in their fat corporate accounts. I hate red tape. Oh, then there's more. Dry.Cl.ean.USA has filed bankruptcy... conveniently after ruining a suit beyond repair, accepting my claim, then ignoring my claim. I now have to file a claim in federal court.... in a Chapter 11 case... as an unsecured debt. Basically, in layman's terms, this means I'll be lucky to receive $5 for a very nice suit. I am SO pissed off. And why so angry at this crap? Read on to (3):

(3) AF showed up today. On day 26. Bitch. All the tiny little needles going in to me on a weekly basis did nothing this cycle. I was hoping she would hold off for another two days. Dr. Needle says "wait to next cycle to see if work" (in his Asian accent). Oh, but my mood is certainly like the AF cycles of yore....

(4) House crap. It was a done deal basically. Until OtherHouseWife freaked (after papers drawn and ready to be signed). She has a fear that "what-if" she loses her job? Will they have to move in to a one-bedroom home (ours that they are buying as a rental property) if she does lose her job? Welcome to my fu*#ing world - stay for a week in Casa-de-Mini. (I do have a little guilt about writing this last point... OtherHouseWife is a friend of mine.... NEVER mix business with friendship.)

I'm so over this infertility/adoption/childlessness/house/flex-spending/filing-claim shit.

I need a drink. NOW.

Election Day

**big sigh**

This is a very exciting time in our lives, no matter who we are voting for. However, it is quite nerve-wracking for me. I work for an elected official, and if MyBoss is not re-elected today, I will lose my job. MyBoss should win the re-election without any problem, but there is always that "what if" hanging around.

A lot like adopting.....

Will life ever be easy?