I'm Sorry I Was Mean

I need to apologize to someone who will most likely never read this blog. Tonight I was helping finish a set construction for a local theater company, and another girl was there helping me. Tonight was the first night I had ever met her. Early in our "meet" she asked if I had any children. I said no and moved the conversation quickly along.

Later the conversation turned to my age. It turns out she is only about 6 months older than I am. Not sure if she is married or not - I didn't ask. Anyway, I was not wearing my wedding ring (bad idea around power tools and paint), and she must have noticed. She asked if I was single, and I said no, I was married. Then she said "No kids?" I said no. She then asked "Why? You don't want them?" And what did I do? With my best lawyer/actress/bitch eyes, I stared straight down into her ~5'2" eyes (I'm 5'8") and said:

"We can't have children."

And I kept my gaze on her. I felt her get uncomfortable and I didn't care. I was fully aware of my stare upon her and I didn't care. I absolutely wanted her to feel uncomfortable, and at that moment, I didn't care.

Now I care.

She didn't know. She had just met me. It was a perfectly innocent question. And to top it off, she was not American and could barely speak english - I'm sure it was odd to her that I would be my age (almost 38), married, and childless.

I'm such a bitch. To my short-lived-set-constructing-friend:

I'm sorry I was mean.

A Guest Blogger is Bringing You the Following Post Compliments of The Great Blog Cross Pollinaion!

My husband is out of town, and so I am sitting at his desk -- because he took the good laptop with him, and also to keep the cat company. She spends most of the day curled in a ball on his desk.

She is sleeping, as she does most of the time. Usually she is totally silent, but occasionally she makes little murmurs in her sleep. Dreaming, I suppose. Adorable.

Now she is breathing more loudly, and it is also adorable. I could listen to it all day.

I love to watch her little torso move up and down with each breath.

It makes me wonder: Is this what it's like to watch a baby sleeping?

And my mind has turned something happy into something sad. Once again.

Thanks a lot, Mind. Or rather, thanks a lot, Infertility. Also, screw you.



Note from GreenEggsNHam:

So, think you know who the guest blogger is? Go to The Great Blog Cross Pollination page, and scan through the sans list.... these are your possible guest bloggers.

Now, list in the comment section on this page who you think the guest blogger is.

When you are finished, you can click HERE to find out the guest blogger's identity, and also to read my post for today!

HAVE FUN!

My Life is Good

Right now I am listening to GatorMan and his best friend play Mad.den in the other room. Such boys.... and I adore them. GatorMan's job is VERY stressful, so any (legal) outlet he finds to relieve his stress is fine by me. While they do boy things in the other room, I'm laying in the bed catching up on my blog reading, my dog is beside me, my cat is on the floor, I just took a long hot shower, and the ceiling fan is slowly blowing the air in the room. I love it.

GatorMan's best friend and his girlfriend are here this weekend. These are great people. It's nights like these that I realize how good my life really is. Nothing exceptional has happened, no big events, big expensive meals... none of that. And that is exactly why it is so perfect. Just good people, good conversation, and good feelings. It really is the simple things.

Juno Update

Just a quick update on Juno. She went in for her diabetes test and everything is fine! Weight is still good, and we are right on track!

I hate it when I sit here trying to figure out what to write. I wrote the above sentence about 3 minutes ago....

I read somewhere today that when you write a blog, people just want to read what is going on in your mind - it does not have to necessarily have to be witty. I want to be witty. I want people to keep coming back to read my blog. But then I think of the blogs that I like to read. Most are incredibly witty - but even when they are not, I still enjoy reading them and I look forward to catching up with what is going on with everyone.

So here is what is going on with me today: (1) I'm upset that I forgot to set my fantasty football line-up before the game tonight; (2) I laughed really hard with my students in class this evening; (3) I added a lot of pictures to my Facebook account; (4) I ate a really tasty dinner that GatorMan had waiting for me when I got home from class; (5) I successfully avoided going to the gym; (6) I caught up with three different friends that I have not talked to in a few days; (7) I did my cross-pollination post; (8) I commented on a few separate blogs; (9) I sang a song to my cat; (10) so the dog wouldn't feel left out, I sang him a song, too; and (11) I imagined what life would be like with Ukulele.

The Bitch is Back

And when I say "Bitch," I am not only referring to myself, but to the Bitch AF.

(1) I GET TO KEEP MY JOB! MyBoss won the re-election (very easily), so this bee-otch is back for another 4 years!!! (Spoiler alert: this is the one high-point of my post.)

(2) I am in. a. mood. And a really. bad. one. Queen-bitch level. I have this flex spending account that has a hefty balance in it that has to be spent by December 31. My acupuncturist does not take credit cards, so I have to pay by check, and then file a claim. My first claim was filed 2.5 weeks ago. I called to check on it today.... no claim on record there. So... while my personal account quickly dwindles in balance, Flex idiots get to keep the owed-to-me-money in their fat corporate accounts. I hate red tape. Oh, then there's more. Dry.Cl.ean.USA has filed bankruptcy... conveniently after ruining a suit beyond repair, accepting my claim, then ignoring my claim. I now have to file a claim in federal court.... in a Chapter 11 case... as an unsecured debt. Basically, in layman's terms, this means I'll be lucky to receive $5 for a very nice suit. I am SO pissed off. And why so angry at this crap? Read on to (3):

(3) AF showed up today. On day 26. Bitch. All the tiny little needles going in to me on a weekly basis did nothing this cycle. I was hoping she would hold off for another two days. Dr. Needle says "wait to next cycle to see if work" (in his Asian accent). Oh, but my mood is certainly like the AF cycles of yore....

(4) House crap. It was a done deal basically. Until OtherHouseWife freaked (after papers drawn and ready to be signed). She has a fear that "what-if" she loses her job? Will they have to move in to a one-bedroom home (ours that they are buying as a rental property) if she does lose her job? Welcome to my fu*#ing world - stay for a week in Casa-de-Mini. (I do have a little guilt about writing this last point... OtherHouseWife is a friend of mine.... NEVER mix business with friendship.)

I'm so over this infertility/adoption/childlessness/house/flex-spending/filing-claim shit.

I need a drink. NOW.

Election Day

**big sigh**

This is a very exciting time in our lives, no matter who we are voting for. However, it is quite nerve-wracking for me. I work for an elected official, and if MyBoss is not re-elected today, I will lose my job. MyBoss should win the re-election without any problem, but there is always that "what if" hanging around.

A lot like adopting.....

Will life ever be easy?

Missing My Bloggers

GatorMan and I just returned from a "mini-break" to the mountains... which did not include (in the phrasology of those living in the mountains:) the "internets" (yes, plural). So the first thing I do when I walk in the door? Log on to the "internets" to get the updates on all of my fellow bloggers! I feel like I have been completely out-of-the-loop, and it is so good to be back in!

On the way to the mountains, I spoke with Intermediary's Husband again, and got the update on Juno and Ukulele. Everything looks fantastic, Ukulele is great, Juno is great.... and here's the best news: Juno is more positive about the adoption than she has ever been! Don't get me wrong, she's always been for it, but her attitude is taking a more "positive" turn. Think back to when you were 15 . . . . . I know I could barely decide what boy I liked more, much less make a decision that would impact so many lives all at once. I am hoping this positive attitude is the pre-adoption counseling she is going through.

House update: We may have one! We walked through a possibility on Wednesday right before we left and really liked it. Is it absolutely the 100% perfect house of our dreams? No. But we also realize that whatever house we get we will only be in for ~5 years or so. So.... this is a very good option for that time frame. GatorMan and I want to go through the house one more time before we sign any papers.

Overall, it's been a great week.... lots of relaxing, wine, fall leaves, cool air, and us-time. As much as I loved it all, I hope that it is the last chance we have for it before we become the family we desperately want to be!